I'm just so over this semester. Like, seriously, I just want it to be summer already. It's weird to think that all this time has gone by, that I'm almost done with my first year in college. I can hardly believe it. Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately about what I want to major in. I mean, I know I don't have to declare my major until next spring, but I still want to figure out which classes I'm actually interested in taking. So far, I've had some really interesting courses, but I don't feel truly connected to them, except for one... my fiction writing class. I actually look forward to going to that class everyday Monday and Wednesday. I look forward to doing the homework for it, I just, love it. I really love writing as well. I'm a creative person, so sitting at a desk all day, crunching numbers or working on Excel sheets seems like hell to me. Really really darn boring. It would be so amazing to actually make a living doing something I truly love. Well, I guess we'll see. Only time can tell.

On another note, I am going to the U.K. in August. I taking a three credit course in Edinburgh, Scotland. But, prior to going to Edinburgh, I may fly into London (like maybe a week or ten days before), stay there for a few days, visit my cousins, go to the Lake District to see Hilltop (very touristy I know, but I adore Beatrix Potter), and then make my way by rail up to Edinburgh. I think that plan sounds lovely, and my parents seemed to like it as well, so hopefully that's what'll happen. 

Now, I just need to buy my plane tickets! I would like to do that sooner rather than later, in order to get better rates. 

Alrighty, well, that's it for now. 

Good day. 

I've never been one to get headaches. In fact, I always thought that being the daughter of a neurosurgeon granted me a kind of immunity to such an affliction. But, the past week has proved my theory wrong. Since last Saturday I have been feeling these strange sort of shocks. Like someone is literally sending an electric current from my neck up to the left side of my head, every hour or so, for about one or two seconds. While these shocks are not consistent, and they certainly do not last long, they're strange as can be. Then, yesterday, after consuming a lovely meal at one of my favorite eateries in New Canaan, CT, I started to feel an odd sensation in the left side of my head again, but this time, it was different. Like a deeply rooted pain, radiating from my ear. This pain continued all night long, and I even woke up with it this morning. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it's starting to freak me out a bit. 

Well, tonight I went to "Big Daddy's Diner" and had a huge chicken sandwich. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious, but I am so incredibly full, it's actually ridiculous. See, the thing is, I know how sensitive my stomach is, but then I go and eat all that junk anyways, it's awful. I should really be more careful, my stomach just can't tolerate that stuff, it makes me ill. I will try to be more careful from now on, seriously. I just need to know my limits, which I clearly don't ever seem to follow. On a lighter note, I am having dinner with some family in from California tomorrow, that should be nice. Also, it is almost spring break time, meaning, a little bit of a vacation from classes, but still a lot of work to do. Hopefully I will not have to work full days, so I can get some sleep-time in, and some time to work on my school-stuff, which I have lots of.
I am really excited for the summer, I am just kind of over school-work right now, like it's getting really annoying, and I don't love my classes. I mean, I love my creative classes, but the other ones, with text books and such are just boring as hell. Next semester, I would like to sign up for more creative, productive classes. Ones where I can actually think about what I want to express, not just about getting the correct citation down.
Alrighty, well, I ought to get back to homework.

I want to actually start updating this thing on a daily basis, because it's quite cathartic to just sit down and write what's on my mind. I would use an old-fashioned paper journal, but my hands get too tired. Anyways, I've been sort of stressed lately. I am interning five days a week at an advertising firm, which is great. But, I am not sure if I am getting in way over my head. I get assigned ridiculous amounts of reading for all of my classes. I mean, I guess it is possible to get it all done, if I literally lock myself in my room, shunning all social interactions, and just read. However, seeing as I can't do that, or won't do that, I have been skimming the reading for many of my classes, whilst crossing my fingers, in the hopes that I will retain whatever information is actually useful. I do really enjoy my writing class though (introduction to fiction). It is creative and I love it. I miss the creativity in my life that taking only liberal arts classes prevents me from enjoying. Anyways, I think I shall go to sleep. Good night!

 I need to stop caring so much about what other people think. I think this has been a vice of mine since I was much younger. I always, just, think too much about what other people are going to say. Since coming to college I have been myself more than ever, and that's a great thing... so liberating. I worry that people don't actually want to be my friend, that they are just tolerating me. I've never been the life of the party, and I know that that's okay, but I don't want to be seen as a party pooper. I really love all of my friends here, I just hope they really like me. Hmm, okay, well, I think I've sounded sufficiently lame in this post. Good night!

Not really sure why, but I have been feeling especially fat lately. It's weird, I feel like the mirror that always used to make  me look good now makes me look awful. I think I shall stay away from that mirror. I mean, I have been trying to diet lately, and I have been. So, we'll just hope that it's working. 

So I'm back in New York, and now I really miss Puerto Rico. When I was there I was a bit bored sometimes, and was looking forward to coming back to NY. But now that I'm back, and I am having a great time, I really miss it there a lot. I miss my family there, I miss the weather there, I guess I sort of miss the boredom. I do like being on the move a lot, but, there are times when I just think about how great it was, back in the day, when I could just come home from school, do my small amount of homework, watch Full House with my nanny and just, be. Now, it feels like there is constant pressure to impress people, to be cool, smart, and intellectual sounding. I miss those old days, but I don't know if I would trade my present life for them, I don't think I would. I guess missing these olds is all part of the life cycle, of getting older and such. Well, that's okay. 

Well, I just got back from seeing the film Doubt. It was okay, not amazing. But, the acting was great. I would not be surprised if either Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, or Amy Adams get nominated for an Oscar. The story was interesting, but, when I left the theater, I just felt like some part of the movie was missing. I'm not really sure what, but something.

Now, this is going to sound awfully mean of me, but, I don't really care. This has been bothering me for a while, and I just feel the need to get it out there (even if nobody reads this thing).
"Curvy" means fat.
Okay, I know there are a whole bunch of movements out there to get women to accept their bodies, no matter what size or shape they are. I know there are a lot of people out there who believe our society puts too much emphasis on appearance and on being thin. But, that does not mean that we should mask the true conditions of some people's bodies. There are times that I have turned on the television, and seen women who are clearly overweight saying that they are "big and beautiful," or "gorgeous and curvy," followed by a loud applause from the audience. Well, I can't help but wonder, "are these women truly healthy being overweight? Or are they just milking the whole Dove "Campaign for Real Beauty?" I'm just saying it like it is. These women are fat, end of story.
I've been called a bitch a few times in my life, and have been told that I'm too blunt, brutally honest, and cold. But, I just like being thin and that's the way it is. It doesn't make me a bad person and I don't go around calling people fat. People who are thin are not necessarily unhealthy, and I suppose people who are overweight are not necessarily unhealthy either. But, if you are chunky, and you've got all that extra weight on your bones, and heart and everything, how could you say that you are doing your body a favor? Now, I am not saying that being underweight is good either, that of course, can also damage your heart and bones, etc.
Anyways, I suppose this was just a bit of rant. But, I just want people to start admitting that by going around, saying that they are happy at their larger size is not going to make their weight problem go away.

Hey, so I went out dancing last night with a few friends here in Puerto Rico. It was a good deal of fun, just dancing and not caring what people think of you. I was so happy when "American Boy" (by Estelle) came on. I know the song is overplayed, but I really do love it.

So, the weather here has been absolutely lovely. 85 degrees (ferenheit) and sunny everyday (but I don't want to jynx it). Yesterday I layed out on the beach for a bit, had lunch, and then at night I saw the movie, Twilight. Now, I must say that I have not read the books, but, the movie was awful. I was cringing at how bad some of the lines were. At times, I felt like the movie was one big joke. It's amazing how it only cost $4 to see a movie here (not a matinee or anything, just a plain, evening showtime), compared to the around $15 price tag of a movie ticket in Manhattan. Also, the toll on the road here was only 35 cents, and I have no idea how much the tolls are in New York at this point. Anyways, I stayed up rather late last night watching television, so I woke up around 9 o' clock this morning. In other news, I ordered this weight loss stuff called "Sensa," (www.trysensa.com) that is supposed to change the way your mind thinks about eating your food. I have not received it in the mail yet (it is on it's way), but, you basically just sprinkle it on top of everything you eat (it has no flavor or calories) and it makes you eat less by telling your brain when you are full. I really hope this works! I will keep you updated on that once I start it. I probably won't be starting it for at least another two weeks because it is being shipped to New York City, and I am in Puerto Rico right now, so I obviously won't have access to it. Anyways, that's about it for now.

So, I woke up this morning, ate a deliciously caloric breakfast, and then  had a delciously caloric lunch, and a deliciously caloric dinner. Oh boy, well. Tomorrow I am beginning my diet, I know I say that just about everyday, but I really mean it because tomorrow is the point when I am two weeks away from going home to New York, and I would like to return thinner. I figure being on vacation may be a good place to lose weight because I am in a different environment. Despite the yummy treats that are around here, I am really determined to do this, to lose that extra weight, and so I will. Anyways, I just got back from a casino. I had never been to a casino before, but I wanted to try my hand at it (no pun intended), so I decided to go. Well, I lose thirty dollars. Oh, well, that really stinks, but life goes on. Anyways, tomorrow the diet kicks in, and I'll do it, I really will, I will I tell ya. Okay, well that's enough proclaiming for now. I'll update you on the diet situation in a few days.

So I went to sleep around 2:30am last night, woke up at 3am (only a half hour later), caught my 6am flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico, and... still have not slept for more than a half hour in the past 48 hours, wonderful. Well, needless to say, I am rather tired, but felt like posting before I went to sleep. I didn't do too much today, because I was sort of unwinding once I got here, relaxing and such, walking around. Tomorrow I am meeting up with a friend of mine, and may go to the beach. It is around 85 degrees (fahrenheit) here, sunny (well was sunny during the day, it's around 11:30pm now), and the tropical breeze is great. So, in other words, lovely weather. Anyways, you know who's real cool? Paula Deen. Just try not to cook like her everyday, otherwise you'd be well on your way to an early death, but her food does look amazing.
xo

Okay, so, you know what I really need to do? I need to stop caring about what other people think of me. I mean, I always say this, and I sometimes tell other people this as well. But, when it comes down to it, I don't abide by my own teachings, how hypocritical of me. Anyways, I would love to stop thinking about what it is running through other people's minds, and just try to be myself. But the thing is, I feel like sometimes, when I am myself, people think I'm not being myself or vis versa. It's all quite strange I know. But anyhow, I suppose I will add this to my list of new year's resolutions. Anyways, I reading a classic book right now called "The Awakening," by Kate Chopin. It is very well-known, so it's odd that I haven't gotten to reading it until now. But, I do really like it so far (I am about half way through). I would really like to finish it today so that I can take it off my packing list  for vacation, and also because I'll probably finish it right after I arrive to Puerto Rico, or on the plane, and then I'll still have to worry about packing it long after I've finished it. Okay, yea, that was a bit of a neurotic little tangent. Well, I ought to get packing!
xo

 So today was nice, I went to hang out with my former nanny. We had lunch, played board games. It was a nice time and it reminded me of my younger days. In other news, I am trying to lose about fifteen pounds, just in order to look better in clothing and be a bit more confident. I am by no means overweight though, in fact, most people tell me I'm thin, but I could definitely stand to shed a few, so that's what I shall do. I just have a bit of a control issue, I mean, I can never seem to resist tasty treats, especially baked goods. I sure ate a lot of junk food today. Well, hopefully I'll do better tomorrow. If I could lose the weight in like three weeks, that would be ideal, although I know that is very difficult, but I think I can if I really put my mind to it, and actually try. Alrighty, well, I am going to go work out a bit, to at least make up a little for the brownies I ate. 
I hope everyone enjoyed their first day in this brand new year!

Last night was the first time in many many years that I did not go out for new year's, or stay up to watch the ball drop on television. It just feels like another day, that happens to be in 2009 instead of 2008. In a few weeks, after I go on vacation, I'll be back to going out almost every night, staying up way too late and telling myself to slow down, so it's nice to take a break from all that right now. Later I am going to visit my friend, who just moved, so I'll have an interesting time finding her house, I am going to drive there and pray that I don't get lost. Hmm, well, I suppose I don't have much to write in this thing, so I'm just writing for the heck of writing. I am sipping on a cup of tea right now, Mighty Leaf's "African Nectar." I like mighty leaf because it is basically loose tea that's not loose, so you don't have to bother with filters a whatnot. In other news, I am going to Puerto Rico for sixteen days, and am leaving on Monday. I am quite excited to take a break from New York, and to lay out on the beach and hopefully get a bit tan. I was just thinking, and I suppose I chose to make a LiveJournal beause it is an actual journal, as oppose to a blog, where I might feel pressured to write witty little statements reflecting on pop culture and the things around me. So, I will probably just list what's on my mind in here, and what I've done that day, or what I haven't done. I know, doesn't that sound terribly exciting? 

Well, I have been at home a lot lately because school is on hiatus for winter break, which is about a month long vacation from the daily grind papers to write and endless articles to read, so that's rather nice. But, being at home everyday can be a bit boring. Most of my friends are away, so I've just been meandering around by myself a lot. Yesterday I went to the apple store to buy a keyboard. The thing is, I have a MacBook Pro, and sometimes it gets a tad irritating to type on it, because when you're typing on a laptop you are so close to the screen and it sort of bothers me. So, I purchased a cute little wireless keyboard, and it is silver, made by Apple of course, and matches my computer. I love it. Today it snowed quite a bit, and again, out of boredom, I went along with my father when he drove my mother to JFK to catch a flight, and then I went with my father to his office, then Barnes & Noble. Rather exciting isn't it? Hopefully my days won't sound this boring in the future. But sometimes boring days can be good, every now and then. Tomorrow I am having lunch with my former nanny. I love getting together with her and I still feel a strong bond to her, perhaps this is because I've known her since I was born. Well, I am going to be a nerd tonight and not even go out for new year's eve. I woke up at five in the morning this morning, and yesterday as well, so I ought to get some quality sleep. But, first I shall leave you with some new year's resolutions for 2009.

1. Improve my nutrition, I am not always as healthy as I should be. 
2. Have a healthy romantic relationship.
3. Earn good grades. 

Good night!